The Husband List

 

Husband List

You need a husband list.

Why? Because life will hand you anything if you let it. This is especially true for marriage. So you need a list.

Here’s my husband list, qualities which are important to me in a mate. Thankfully, my man meets all the criteria ;-)

He shares the same religious faith. I have friends in interfaith marriages and married friends who are don’t ascribe to any religious beliefs, but for me, having the same faith with my spouse is important. I need to talk freely with my spouse on faith issues, and so I don’t want to feel as if I am at odds with my spouse in this respect. Faith is a major part of who I am, and I want to be on a level playing field with my man.

He sees me. A husband shouldn’t hold limiting stereotypes about me. This can only limit and stifle. For example, I wouldn’t want to be married to someone who thinks that, because I am a woman, I should focus solely on raising children while completely disregarding my other interests. I believe in the importance of motherhood, but I am not “just a housewife” (as people have said to me). I have other interests that matter to me.

He’s responsible. Carrying a man can be burdensome. Period. Healthy boundaries in a marriage are so important to me. Yes, we are to help our husbands, but not to our personal damage/detriment. I’ve seen marriages with poor boundaries, and it hasn’t been pretty. A good husband will respect you as an individual not drain your spirit.

He provides good intellectual conversation. I enjoy debating with my husband on a lot on different issues in the world. He provides me with a different perspective which I may not have considered and vice versa. He offers me reasoned arguments on different issues, and I appreciate that.

He’s wise. Man, this one is SO important. There have been many instances when I could have made some really foolish choices at crucial points in my life. I feel blessed that the Lord has given me a spouse who has uncanny insight into my situations.

He’s trustworthy. I don’t want to second guess my spouse and wonder whether his word is true or not. I want the security in knowing that if my man said he’d deliver on his promise, that he’ll make it happen. He’s a man of his word.

He’s good looking. Yes, this is important to me, but personality plays a large role in attractiveness. If someone looked like Bruno Mars, but he was a jerk well…I’d pass.

That’s my list. What about you? What qualities do you find attractive in a/your husband?

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Three Ways to Date Your Husband All Over Again (Or the proper care and feeding of your goose)

Date Your Husband

 

Yes, you can date your husband again.

And I’m not referring to simply having a date night. I mean living as if y’all are a hot new item…because you are.

The great storyteller Aesop told a great fable called the Goose and the Golden Egg. It goes like this:

ONE day a countryman going to the nest of his Goose found there an egg all yellow and glittering. When he took it up it was as heavy as lead and he was going to throw it away, because he thought a trick had been played upon him. But he took it home on second thoughts, and soon found to his delight that it was an egg of pure gold. Every morning the same thing occurred, and he soon became rich by selling his eggs. As he grew rich he grew greedy; and thinking to get at once all the gold the Goose could give, he killed it and opened it only to find,—nothing.

(excerpt from Harvard Classics, retold by Joseph Jacobs, New York: PF Collier and Co, 1914)

In any relationship, especially marriage, those golden eggs represent the synergy and good will that exists between two people who are in tune with one another. To receive the “golden eggs” we have to make regular, positive deposits into the relationship. To be quite honest, I’ve had friendships where I’ve made withdrawals from the other person and haven’t deposited into the friendship. I’ve also had friendships where I allowed my emotional bank account to be drained. In both situations, the friendships didn’t last. However, the friendships that have lasted though the years have been the ones where we’ve made mutual deposits into each other.

The same goes for marriage. Consistent acts of kindness, open communication and honesty helps a marriage grow exponentially. Here are three tips to help you date your man all over again:

  1. Dress to impress. Dressing to impress is a challenge for me. (Which is why I talk about it so much!) Right now, I am nearing lunchtime, and I still in my sweats. (But I am writing and cleaning my house like a champ, lol) However, I will kick in into overdrive and actually look decent before my man comes come. Do you have any outfits reserved for special occasions? Try making today a “special occasion” and wear one of those lovely outfits.
  2. Laugh more. One of my favorite pastimes is telling jokes with my spouse. It’s easy to get caught up in the nitty gritty of life and forget to laugh, but like Proverbs says: “laughter does a good medicine!” I like romantic comedies so if we run out of jokes, we’ll rent a (PG-13) rom-com.
  3. Add in the element of surprise. Make an impromptu phone call in the middle of the day to say ‘I Love You.’ Or give a small gift that you think he’d appreciate.

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3 Elements of A Good Kiss

Elements of a Good Kiss

A kiss (or lack thereof) communicates volumes in a marriage. Whether it’s that kiss goodbye as you head out the door in the morning or a kiss given during your regular date night (You are going on regular dates, right? If not, read this post for ideas.), kissing is like the temperature gauge in a relationship.

It’s easy to not take the time to nurture our marriages, especially when you have a busy life with children and activities and multiples demands on your time. So…what to do if your marriage is suffering from a kissing drought?

Kiss! (Simple isn’t it?) If you haven’t kissed your spouse in a while, set a reasonable goal for yourself, something like: I’ll kiss my husband when he’s on his way out the door or: I’ll greet him at the end of the day with a kiss. Keep a visual reminder handy so that you can remember to kiss. Personally, I’m a checklist person, so jotting it down on paper helps me. Yes, I know that sounds very unromantic, but if I didn’t jot it down, I could forget.

3 Elements of a Good Kiss

When you plant a kiss on your husband, make sure all your bases are covered. There are three foundational things to a good kiss that every person should keep in mind: the lips, the breath and the tongue. I’ll break it down for you:

Breath

No stinky breath, please. Brushing and flossing twice a day keeps the stinky breath away. You may think being married gives you a perfect excuse to have halitosis because, he’ll love you anyway, but DON’T DO IT. That is gross.

And no heavy breathing, either. Personally, heavy breathing reminds me of stalkers. Maybe it’s from watching too many horror and thriller movies growing up. Heavy breathing is not on the same level as stinky breath, but it does give me a creepy feeling, so keep your inhales and exhales relaxed and normal, please.

Lips

The dry, cracked bleeding lips have got to go. Keeping yourself well hydrated through the day will prevent this as well as a healthy slather of lip gloss or chap stick. Some women prefer lipstick, others don’t so I’ll leave that up to you. Whatever you do, keep those lips soft and kissable!

There are two types of ways to kiss: open mouthed and closed mouthed. I write romance and whenever I get to a part of the story where the hero and heroine kiss, the type of kiss I write depends on the emotions of the story moment. If there has been a lot of emotional connection prior to the kiss in the story, then typically I write an open mouthed kiss. If there has been tension and stress between the hero and heroine or if they are preoccupied with another, unrelated activity (like cooking), I’d write a tight lipped, forced kiss.

However, in real life, make sure you are in a right place emotionally when kissing your spouse.

Tongue

To French kiss or not French, that is the question.

Whatever you decide, sloppy, saliva laden tongues are icky. If you French kiss, keep it as clean as possible. Also, forceful French kissing, like heavy breathing, is stalker-like. Make sure that any use of the tongue is natural to the moment and not contrived or forced. (Wow, I’m sounding like a user manual, lol.)

There you have it, three elements of a good kiss. What have been your hindrances to kissing? What could you do about it?

 

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Free Printable Love Calendar, week of January 18, 2015

Click here to print this week’s Love Calendar for the week of Sunday, January 18th. Hope you have a great week!

Free Printable Love Calendar

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5 Ways to Maintain a Great Marriage After Baby

Marriage After Baby

Marriage can be hard, especially when you toss a baby in the mix.

I remember my married pre-baby days well. We used to sleep in on the weekends, have long talks in the evenings, and going out to eat on a whim. Things changed after our first one came along. I had read the Babywise book and became gung-ho about getting my newborn on a regular feeding and sleeping schedule. As a result, my whole life became scheduled. I needed a routine to maintain my sanity, but I lost our let’s-go-out-on-and-do-something-on-a-whim aspect of our relationship.

So I decided to bring it back (some) aspects of surprise in my marriage (within “mama-with-a-baby” reason, of course!) Here are five way you can thrive in your marriage after a baby:

  1. Know it’s only for a season. Babies grow up, get on sleep schedules (we hope!), and learn to tie their shoes. But really, the newborn/baby stage will come to an end. If you keep this in mind, it will give you some perspective.
  2. Order pizza. That’s right. Don’t feel like you have to be superwoman. Having pizza on the couch after the children are asleep is a great time to have some bonding time.
  3. Get wild and wear clean pajamas to bed. Basically, look presentable! This is my struggle and I talked about it in this post. Maintaining good appearances keeps things fun
  4.  If you have to outsource something to have some couple time, do it. Hire a babysitter. Get on a meal exchange with some friends. Or have someone come in and clean your house if you can afford it. Delegating some activities will free up your time for maintaining your marriage and your sanity!
  5. If you need to talk it out with a counselor, do that too. (Or attend a marriage retreat!) A lot of times  negative patterns arise in our relationships during times of stress and change, and having a baby is a big change! Spending time with a trained professional can help you and your spouse get through that tough baby stage.

{This post is part of the Thrifty Thursday Link Up!}

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