My husband says I’m insecure about my ability to live a creative life, and that I need a lot of validation. He’s right.
But I wasn’t always so wishy-washy.
When I first came to faith in the Lord as an 11 year old, a whole new world of possibilities opened up to me. I believed 110% that I could do anything and that included living a creative life. And so I dreamed big dreams and had the blessing of seeing those dreams come to fruition.
Yet as I got older, those school teacher voices of doubt and conformity riddled my brain with thoughts like:
“Color in the lines.”
“Forget that acting thing and major in Economics. That’ll get you a secure job in something like investment banking.” (?!)
“You can’t make a real living as an artist.”
I bought into those beliefs and paid for it dearly with years of unfulfilling work which didn’t feed my soul. As a result, I shortchanged myself artistically during my twenties. That young girl who once dreamed big dreams had been squelched by the illusory “real world.”
Now, as I take steps towards a creative life, I have to overcome this inner struggle with myself daily.
Am I really smart? Am I really creative? Can I really do that?
All of my self-inquiries are really questions of: Am I worthy? Am I brilliant? Am I talented? Am I fabulous? Am I beautiful?
As an adult, I am learning daily to accept what I had already known as a child: that I am, in fact, worthy, brilliant, talented, fabulous and beautiful.
I’m learning to get out out of my own way.
How about you? Do you know that you are brilliant, fabulous, talented and beautiful? Or do you have to get out of your own way?