The Husband List

 

Husband List

You need a husband list.

Why? Because life will hand you anything if you let it. This is especially true for marriage. So you need a list.

Here’s my husband list, qualities which are important to me in a mate. Thankfully, my man meets all the criteria ;-)

He shares the same religious faith. I have friends in interfaith marriages and married friends who are don’t ascribe to any religious beliefs, but for me, having the same faith with my spouse is important. I need to talk freely with my spouse on faith issues, and so I don’t want to feel as if I am at odds with my spouse in this respect. Faith is a major part of who I am, and I want to be on a level playing field with my man.

He sees me. A husband shouldn’t hold limiting stereotypes about me. This can only limit and stifle. For example, I wouldn’t want to be married to someone who thinks that, because I am a woman, I should focus solely on raising children while completely disregarding my other interests. I believe in the importance of motherhood, but I am not “just a housewife” (as people have said to me). I have other interests that matter to me.

He’s responsible. Carrying a man can be burdensome. Period. Healthy boundaries in a marriage are so important to me. Yes, we are to help our husbands, but not to our personal damage/detriment. I’ve seen marriages with poor boundaries, and it hasn’t been pretty. A good husband will respect you as an individual not drain your spirit.

He provides good intellectual conversation. I enjoy debating with my husband on a lot on different issues in the world. He provides me with a different perspective which I may not have considered and vice versa. He offers me reasoned arguments on different issues, and I appreciate that.

He’s wise. Man, this one is SO important. There have been many instances when I could have made some really foolish choices at crucial points in my life. I feel blessed that the Lord has given me a spouse who has uncanny insight into my situations.

He’s trustworthy. I don’t want to second guess my spouse and wonder whether his word is true or not. I want the security in knowing that if my man said he’d deliver on his promise, that he’ll make it happen. He’s a man of his word.

He’s good looking. Yes, this is important to me, but personality plays a large role in attractiveness. If someone looked like Bruno Mars, but he was a jerk well…I’d pass.

That’s my list. What about you? What qualities do you find attractive in a/your husband?

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Love Calendar Week of January 25, 2015

Here is this week’s free printable Love Calendar! Have a great week.

Free Printable Love Calendar

A Guest Post by novelist Jennifer Slattery

“What God Showed Me Through An Angry, Old Woman” by Jennifer Slattery

Jennifer Slattery

I’m not sure why I went, except to say I felt a tugging. A vague, unwavering desire to go. And so, I obeyed, not knowing what I’d do or why God asked me to. And this is where, at a small, locally ran nursing home, I met a woman who showed me, through her hostile, confused state, the depths of God’s love.

Her name was Betty, and she lived in a local nursing home, one I decided to serve at. I met her right away. It was hard not to notice her. She had the mouth of a railroader and a temper to match. Most of the other residents, and I suspect, many of the staff, were afraid of her. But I was drawn to her. I’m not sure why except that I sensed she was deeply lonely.

So, I began to form a relationship. My family soon joined me, and we’d go one night a week to play cards. Until cards grew too difficult for her. In the middle of a game, she’d get upset and throw her cards down, “This is a stupid game.”

Then she’d look at my husband, who was growing a beard, “You look like a hobo.”

My husband would just smile, his folded hands propped under his chin.

“If God wanted you to have facial hair, He would’ve given it to you.”

We chose not to explain the fallacy of her statement and instead smiled.

This went on for some time, and with each encounter, we grew more attached to this angry, foul-mouthed woman who spent most of her time cursing us.

One day, when I came to visit, she told me her friend had fallen and was in the hospital. This upset her greatly, most likely because it reminded of her vulnerability, and the great unknown that awaited humanities decline of health. Distraught and deeply concerned, she asked me if I’d take her to see this woman who normally resided down the hall.

I readily agreed and got permission from the facility staff. Before they gave me the go-ahead, however, the activities director spent ten minutes telling me how awful this woman was. She was angry, hostile. Why would I choose to have her in my car? But if that’s how I wanted to spend my afternoon, God be with me.

Actually, she never mentioned God, because I’m pretty sure if she gave Him a thought at all, her view of this spunky old woman would change.

Ten minutes later, Betty and I sat buckled in my van, heading toward the local hospital. On the way, Betty swore, told me all of the things she didn’t like about the other cars we passed or the people in the parking lot.

She was mad. Confused. Scared. Angry.

But as we were walking toward the glass doors, her cursing, me smiling, God gave me a beautiful gift.

Speaking ever-so-softly to my heart, He said, “I don’t see her that way.” And then it clicked. When others looked at her, all they saw was her behavior, but when God looked at her, He saw her disease, Alzheimer’s.

That’s the same way He views mankind. When we see others acting angry or unkind, all we can is their behavior. But God looks deeper. He sees their disease—sin, and he offers a cure through His Son Jesus Christ.

For God so loved our broken, sin-ravished world…

This encounter, with the woman and with God, impacted me greatly, so much so that I put in my debut, Beyond I Do.

That day, God showed me how deep, how far-reaching, how unshakable His love really is. By loving this woman through me, God showed me the depths of His love for all mankind. For me. It was a beautiful moment, one I won’t forget.

Isn’t He amazing? What about you? When has your God-given love for someone else revealed God’s heart in a deeper way? When do you feel closest to God? Share your examples with us so we can celebrate God’s faithfulness.

About Jennifer

Jennifer Slattery writes soul-stirring fiction for New Hope Publishers, a publishing house passionate about bringing God’s healing grace and truth to the hopeless. She also writes for Crosswalk.com, Internet Café Devotions, and the group blog, Faith-filled Friends. When not writing, Jennifer loves going on mall dates with her teenage daughter and coffee dates with her handsome railroader husband.

Visit with Jennifer online at JenniferSlatteryLivesOutLoud. 

About When Dawn Breaks

When Dawn Breaks

As the hurricane forces Jacqueline to evacuate, her need for purpose and restitution motivate her to head north to her estranged and embittered daughter and into the arms of a handsome new friend. Dealing with his own issues, Jacqueline isn’t sure if he will be the one she can lean on during the difficult days ahead. And then there are the three orphans to consider, especially Gavin. Must she relinquish her chance at having love again in order to be restored?

 

Read a free, 36-page excerpt here: http://issuu.com/newhopedigital/docs/slattery_sampler/1

 

You can buy a copy here:

 

On Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/When-Dawn-Breaks-A-Novel/dp/1596694238/

 

On Barnes and Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/when-dawn-breaks-a-novel-jennifer-slattery/1120694122?ean=9781596694231

 

On CBD: http://www.christianbook.com/when-dawn-breaks-a-novel/jennifer-slattery/9781596694231/pd/694231

 

Three Ways to Date Your Husband All Over Again (Or the proper care and feeding of your goose)

Date Your Husband

 

Yes, you can date your husband again.

And I’m not referring to simply having a date night. I mean living as if y’all are a hot new item…because you are.

The great storyteller Aesop told a great fable called the Goose and the Golden Egg. It goes like this:

ONE day a countryman going to the nest of his Goose found there an egg all yellow and glittering. When he took it up it was as heavy as lead and he was going to throw it away, because he thought a trick had been played upon him. But he took it home on second thoughts, and soon found to his delight that it was an egg of pure gold. Every morning the same thing occurred, and he soon became rich by selling his eggs. As he grew rich he grew greedy; and thinking to get at once all the gold the Goose could give, he killed it and opened it only to find,—nothing.

(excerpt from Harvard Classics, retold by Joseph Jacobs, New York: PF Collier and Co, 1914)

In any relationship, especially marriage, those golden eggs represent the synergy and good will that exists between two people who are in tune with one another. To receive the “golden eggs” we have to make regular, positive deposits into the relationship. To be quite honest, I’ve had friendships where I’ve made withdrawals from the other person and haven’t deposited into the friendship. I’ve also had friendships where I allowed my emotional bank account to be drained. In both situations, the friendships didn’t last. However, the friendships that have lasted though the years have been the ones where we’ve made mutual deposits into each other.

The same goes for marriage. Consistent acts of kindness, open communication and honesty helps a marriage grow exponentially. Here are three tips to help you date your man all over again:

  1. Dress to impress. Dressing to impress is a challenge for me. (Which is why I talk about it so much!) Right now, I am nearing lunchtime, and I still in my sweats. (But I am writing and cleaning my house like a champ, lol) However, I will kick in into overdrive and actually look decent before my man comes come. Do you have any outfits reserved for special occasions? Try making today a “special occasion” and wear one of those lovely outfits.
  2. Laugh more. One of my favorite pastimes is telling jokes with my spouse. It’s easy to get caught up in the nitty gritty of life and forget to laugh, but like Proverbs says: “laughter does a good medicine!” I like romantic comedies so if we run out of jokes, we’ll rent a (PG-13) rom-com.
  3. Add in the element of surprise. Make an impromptu phone call in the middle of the day to say ‘I Love You.’ Or give a small gift that you think he’d appreciate.

Did you get this week’s free printable Love Calendar? Click here for your copy.

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3 Elements of A Good Kiss

Elements of a Good Kiss

A kiss (or lack thereof) communicates volumes in a marriage. Whether it’s that kiss goodbye as you head out the door in the morning or a kiss given during your regular date night (You are going on regular dates, right? If not, read this post for ideas.), kissing is like the temperature gauge in a relationship.

It’s easy to not take the time to nurture our marriages, especially when you have a busy life with children and activities and multiples demands on your time. So…what to do if your marriage is suffering from a kissing drought?

Kiss! (Simple isn’t it?) If you haven’t kissed your spouse in a while, set a reasonable goal for yourself, something like: I’ll kiss my husband when he’s on his way out the door or: I’ll greet him at the end of the day with a kiss. Keep a visual reminder handy so that you can remember to kiss. Personally, I’m a checklist person, so jotting it down on paper helps me. Yes, I know that sounds very unromantic, but if I didn’t jot it down, I could forget.

3 Elements of a Good Kiss

When you plant a kiss on your husband, make sure all your bases are covered. There are three foundational things to a good kiss that every person should keep in mind: the lips, the breath and the tongue. I’ll break it down for you:

Breath

No stinky breath, please. Brushing and flossing twice a day keeps the stinky breath away. You may think being married gives you a perfect excuse to have halitosis because, he’ll love you anyway, but DON’T DO IT. That is gross.

And no heavy breathing, either. Personally, heavy breathing reminds me of stalkers. Maybe it’s from watching too many horror and thriller movies growing up. Heavy breathing is not on the same level as stinky breath, but it does give me a creepy feeling, so keep your inhales and exhales relaxed and normal, please.

Lips

The dry, cracked bleeding lips have got to go. Keeping yourself well hydrated through the day will prevent this as well as a healthy slather of lip gloss or chap stick. Some women prefer lipstick, others don’t so I’ll leave that up to you. Whatever you do, keep those lips soft and kissable!

There are two types of ways to kiss: open mouthed and closed mouthed. I write romance and whenever I get to a part of the story where the hero and heroine kiss, the type of kiss I write depends on the emotions of the story moment. If there has been a lot of emotional connection prior to the kiss in the story, then typically I write an open mouthed kiss. If there has been tension and stress between the hero and heroine or if they are preoccupied with another, unrelated activity (like cooking), I’d write a tight lipped, forced kiss.

However, in real life, make sure you are in a right place emotionally when kissing your spouse.

Tongue

To French kiss or not French, that is the question.

Whatever you decide, sloppy, saliva laden tongues are icky. If you French kiss, keep it as clean as possible. Also, forceful French kissing, like heavy breathing, is stalker-like. Make sure that any use of the tongue is natural to the moment and not contrived or forced. (Wow, I’m sounding like a user manual, lol.)

There you have it, three elements of a good kiss. What have been your hindrances to kissing? What could you do about it?

 

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