It’s May but I’m thinking about New Year’s resolutions. At the beginning of 2010, I resolved to cut back on excessive activities. Being pregnant at the time, I knew I needed to make time for the upcoming arrival. But, lo and behold, I gradually started piling on more “taskers” than I could feasibly handle. I always told myself “I can read ‘x’ amount of books in a year,” or “I can study three books of the Bible at the same time and understand them all completely,” or “I can write fifty articles, three books, and take two writing classes….simultaneously.” I told myself this, hoping and wishing I’d actually do it all. But as time passed, I slacked on my lofty goals and ended up right where I started – at the starting line. I’ve engagedin this vicious cycle of self-sabotage for about ten years.

I’m a ‘yes’ woman, making excessive demands on myself which are often left undone. I constantly fall into the trap of agreeing to every request that comes my way (and some I actively seek out) at work, church, and my community. Saying ‘yes’ either to my self-imposed demands or to others solicitations has dampened my spirit and left me feeling inadequate and unproductive, frustrated and frazzled.

Many of you may feel the same, thinking busyness equals accomplishment. It only leaves you spinning your wheels. So, here’s how I’m to incorporate the word ‘No’ in my vocabulary and gain control of my life. I hope you can use these tips to do the same.

Step One: Think about your values and what really matters to you.  Do you value travel? Maintaining your health? Volunteering in your community? Spending time with your family?  You can’t do it all.  So the first ‘No’ will be the “No” that you say to yourself.  Cut out activities that aren’t consistent with your values. 

Step Two: Write goals that relate to your values.  Focus on a few goals performed well rather than many goals performed poorly.  Personally, I’ve chosen three goals that I believe are both realistic and do-able. Goals will help you quickly discern the important from the unimportant when those pesky requests for your time arrive.

Step Three: Say ‘No’ to others.  With your core values and goals in place, you will not be easily swayed by the urge to spend your time, talents, and/or resources on unfocused activities.  Here are some ways to say ‘No’ for those who are non-confrontational.  Provide suggestions or alternatives to the person “I can’t do that task today, but how about next week?” or “How about asking John instead?” When someone persists, repeat your position, but in a slightly different way. “As I already said, I have something planned during that time.”   

Step Four: Say ‘No’ to yourself. You may feel (as I often do) the temptation to veer off from your values and goals when other opportunities present themselves. Don’t do it. Remind yourself daily of your most important values and your top goals. This will gradually program your thinking to have a laser-like focus on these to the exclusion of everything else.Just two letters ‘N-O’ will reduce stress, instill confidence, and simplify your life.

Until next time,

Preslaysa